Continue to love both parents without guilt or disapproval (subtle or overt) by either parent or
reassured that the divorce is not their fault.
Be assured they are
safe for and their needs will be provided for.
Have a special
place for their own belongings at both parents’ residences.
Visit both parents
regardless of what the adults in the situation feel, and regardless of convenience, or money situations.
Express anger and
sadness in their own way, according to age and personality (not have to give justification for their feelings or have to cope with trying to be talked out of their feelings by
Not be messengers
between parents; not to carry notes, legal papers, money or requests between parents.
Not make adult
decisions, including where they will live, where and when they will be picked up or dropped off, or who is to blame.
Love as many people
as they choose without being made to feel guilty or disloyal.(Loving and being loved by many people is good for children; there is not a limit on the number of people a child can
Continue to be
kids, i.e. not take on adult duties and responsibilities or become a parent’s confidant, companion or comforter (i.e. not to hear repeatedly about financial problems or relationship
Stay in contact
with relatives, including grandparents and special family friends.
Choose to spend at
least one week a year living apart from their custodial parent.
Not be on an
airplane, train or bus on major holidays for the convenience of the adults.
Have teachers and
school informed about the status of their families.
Have time with each
parent doing activities that create a sense of closeness and special memories.
Have a daily and
weekly schedule that is predictable and can be verified by looking at a schedule on a calendar in a system understandable to the child (For instance: a green line represents the scheduled
time with dad, and a purple line represents the scheduled time with mom, etc.).
sports, special classes or clubs that support their unique interests, and have adults that will get them to these events, on time without guilt or shame.
parent and have phone conversations without eavesdropping or tape-recording.
Ask questions and
have them answered respectfully with age-appropriate answers that do not include blaming or belittlements of anyone.
Have consistent and
predictable boundaries in each home. (Although the rules in each house may differ significantly, each parent’s set of rules needs to be predictable with their household).
Be protected from
hearing adult arguments and disputes.
communicate (even if only in writing) about their medical treatment, psychological treatment, educational issues, accidents or illnesses.
Not be interrogated
upon from the other parent’s home or asked to spy in the other parent’s home.
Own pictures of
Choose to talk with
a special adult about their concerns and issues (counselor, therapist or special friend).